Colossians 3:18-25 (NKJV) Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.
20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.
21 Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.
22 Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. 23 And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ. 25 But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.
Colossians 4:1 (NKJV) Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.
V18 “Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” The Greek word for “submit” is (G5294) ὑποτάσσω hypotássō, which means to arrange under. τάσσω tássō (G5021) means arrange or group in an orderly manner (Strong’s). For example, I might accidentally knock over my screw storage bin. I start to sort out and group by type, size, thread, etc. I put them in an orderly fashion. This is a horizontal arrangement. Hypotasso is to arrange under as hierarchical arrangement. The Outline of Biblical Usage (from Blue Letter Bible and others): “This word was a Greek military term meaning “to arrange [troop divisions] in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” It has no applications to use force, partiality, imply lower abilities, master-slave arrangement, etc. It is just an organizational arrangement. The English word submit is a poor translation (Apple Dictionary) “accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person.” This is not the meaning of the Greek word. This a voluntary agreement. The husband is delegated the greater responsibility of the family–spiritually, emotionally, and physically. It is to be an overseer. This is a great responsibility. Practically, it involves delegation, for example, in marriage the husband is delegated all outside work and his workshop, and the wife is delegated all inside design, furniture, etc. and her workshop (kitchen or whatever). Both work together. Husband helps with keeping the house clean and doing dishes, cooking, etc. Wife helps in the garden or whatever works for that family. Both come to agreements on money, what to buy, etc. We need each other’s opinions. A matriarchal or patriarchal family are not God’s plan for a family. Husband and wife need to set common goals that they are going to pursue in their marriage–spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially, for family, for children, for work, etc. Note, it is to their own husband, not to the pastor, elder, other men, neighbors, etc. “As is fitting in the Lord” means the request is allowed by the Law of Christ.
V19 “Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them.” Loving our wives does not mean just food and clothes. It means delegating to her (with her voluntary agreement) and not controlling what she does. Loving means meeting her emotional needs (listening, helping, loving her with her love language needs, etc.). Loving her means she can meet with her friends, invite people over, decide on household needs, recommendations, opinions (really and sincerely discussing these issues), etc. Do not be bitter. The Greek word for bitter is (G4087) πικραίνω pikrainō, which means a bitter taste which can be applied to emotions, etc. When one experiences and emotional hurt, it will go away, but if this hurt continues to be experienced (as in abuse), it will result in bitterness which leads to greater problems. Bitter, then, has the idea of angry repeatedly, criticizing, not listening or helping her, not giving her some control over her life, etc. We are NOT to do this. Love is a choice. Love is not decreed. It must be a choice, just as for thankfulness, praise, etc. It must be freely offered.
The actions of love are:
Love is very patient and kind; love is not envious; love doesn’t brag about itself, is not haughty. Doesn’t behave improperly, is not self-seeking; love isn’t easily aggravated, doesn’t keep a list of wrongs, doesn’t rejoice in injustice, but rejoices with the truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, calmly endures all things. Love never falls away. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a WEL.
V20 “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord.” Children are those still living at home. Consider a few tips from John Rosemond [https://rosemond.com/]:
-
- Parenting Thought of the Day: Being rewarded for not misbehaving teaches a child that adults will offer you special things only if you misbehave. In other words, rewards often teach children that misbehavior pays.
-
- Ponder This: The fewer toys and, therefore, the more space a child has in which to explore and create, the more successful the child will be at occupying his or her time.
-
- One cannot afford patience when it comes to disrespect, defiance, tantrums, and antisocial behavior.
-
- I’ve said it many times, but it bears repeating: A child’s natural response to the proper presentation of authority is obedience; as in, the first time the child is told to do something, he does it. Furthermore, research finds what common sense intuits: Obedient kids are happy kids. Therefore, whereas an obedient child is certainly a blessing to a parent, the greatest benefit of obedience accrues to the child.
-
- Don’t answer their question, “Why?” It leads to an argument. The response is, “Because I said so.” When they are older and/or genuinely asking why do we do this, etc., then give an answer.
Again, what is ordered must be according to the Law of Christ, reasonable to age and ability, allowance for time given to finish project, etc. For children to obey is pleasing to God. We want to please Him, do we not? All of activity must show the fruits of the Holy Spirit, not the world’s spirit (devil). Consider Galatians 5:22-25 (WEB) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, 23 gentleness, and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ have crucified the flesh with its passions and lusts. 25 If we live by the Spirit, let’s also walk by the Spirit.
V21 “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” The Greek word for “provoke” is (G2042) ἐρεθίζω erethizō, which means to excite or stimulate, but in the bad sense, it means provoke, that is, make angry, bitter, resentful. Some tips:
-
- If I give an order to one of the children, they do comply reasonably quickly.
-
- If they ask me for help, I must comply reasonably quickly.
-
- If they ask me, “Daddy, I have question,” then I stop (STOP), set aside what I’m doing and listen.
Provoking leads to discouragement, bitterness, resentfulness, anger, and all types of problems.
V22 “Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God.” Masters can be understood as the one over the servants (Proverbs 31:27 (delegation and evaluation)), a supervisor, boss, officer, or any other person with authority. Again, obeying a request must not be against the Law of Christ. It is is, then we must disobey (Acts 4:19-21 and Daniel 3:18). Masters according to the flesh refers to human leaders. The Master of all is the Lord Jesus. Eyeservice means that what we do must be God honoring quality whether we are watched or not. Our goal must not be only to please them but to get the job done. This must be sincere service, for our God observes us.
V23 “And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord and not to men…” This refers to quality, timeliness, completeness, etc. We are to be a light and witness of God’s ways, worldview, lifestyle, etc.
V24 “…knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance; for you serve the Lord Christ.” This pleases and obeys God, for such we are doing God service and honor as well. It shows we will get an eternal inheritance from the Lord. Everything we do should be service to God (Your will be done).
V25 “But he who does wrong will be repaid for what he has done, and there is no partiality.” We have a choice do what is right in God’s sight or refuse. There are consequences in obeying or disobeying. God shows no partiality in rewarding or punishing.
V4:1 “Masters, give your bondservants what is just and fair, knowing that you also have a Master in heaven.” There are instructions addressing bondservants. Here, Paul addresses masters, supervisors, overseers, bosses, ceos, etc. The Greek word for “give” is (G3930) παρέχω parechō, which means present and furnish. This applies to what they do, giving them the tools and time to accomplish the task, encouragement (if needed), the food & clothes for their covering, a safe place to sleep, etc. This is the lifestyle and law of Christ. There is to be no partiality, cheating them from what they need, or abusing them. A Christian master, boss, etc. wants to give a good witness to bring the gospel to them, honor God, and improve society. Remember! We have a master in heaven. How we treat those under our authority might very well be the way God will treat us. See Luke 10:27, Romans 13:9-10, and James 2:8-9.