1 Timothy 3:8-13 (NKJV) Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money, 9 holding the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience. 10 But let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons, being found blameless. 11 Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things. 12 Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well. 13 For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.
V8 “Likewise deacons must be reverent, not double-tongued, not given to much wine, not greedy for money…” The Greek word for “deacon” is (1249) διάκονος diákonos, which means literally to run errands, so a waiter, church assistant, Christian servant, etc. Deacons in the early church started in Acts 6:1. There was a dispute in financial assistance for believers. More gifts were given to Jewish widows instead of Gentile widows. The deacons were chosen by the assembly to assist the elders and Apostles. The qualifications listed by the Apostles are Acts 6:3 NKJV – “Therefore, brethren, seek out from among you seven men of [good] reputation, full of the Holy Spirit and wisdom, whom we may appoint over this business;” The men is the Greek word for a male (XY); more on that below. Good reputation is (G3140) μαρτυρέω martyréō, which means a witness. Here, it is used as a witness in the community as honest, faithful, trustworthy, etc. Full of the Holy Spirit means 1) they are a believer (Romans 8:9-11), 2) yielded to God and His kingdom (worldview, the laws of Christ, lifestyle, etc.), and 3) not having unconfessed sin. The wisdom spoken of here is the gift of wisdom given by God. Compare James 3:17, Psalm 119:99-100, and Matthew 7:24. Paul writes to Timothy of some other qualifications. The word reverent is (G4586) σεμνός semnós, which means to be worthy of respect (TDNTa) relating to our conduct. Double-tongued is being inconsistent in speech by saying one thing but later saying something else–hypocritical speech. Also, deacons are not to be addicted to wine nor greedy for money.
V9 “…holding the mystery of the faith with a pure conscience.” The mystery of the faith is the Gospel that wasn’t completely revelation until the Lord Jesus came. A pure conscience is important. It is a conscience that doesn’t have any hidden, unconfessed sins.
V10 “But let these also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons, being found blameless.” First be tested is a type of probation in service. They needed to be tested verbally but also publicly lived as a Christian for awhile proving their faith even when insulted, etc.
V11 “Likewise, their wives must be reverent, not slanderers, temperate, faithful in all things.” The wording indicates that Paul is speaking of a deaconess. Phoebe was a deaconess, also (Romans 16:1). The importance of deaconesses is 1) to consul, 2) to teach the women, 3) to prepare (and baptize if needed), and 4) to assist in any ministry as needed. Women are gifted by the same Holy Spirit as men. There are situations where men should not be a counselor to women (as in abuse or other sensitive topics). Every church should have deaconesses as a recognized church office.
Wilbur Pickering PhD adds: “That is what the Text says, just “women”—no article and no possessive pronoun. Because Paul returns to the deacons in verse 12, most versions take the reference here to be to their wives, but the grammatical construction of verse 11 is parallel to that of verse 8, which is parallel to verse 2. I take it that the grammar obliges us to see a third office in the congregation, one filled by women—deaconesses, or something of the sort. Counseling women can be dangerous for a man; certain matters are best handled by a mature, sanctified woman; if she has an official standing in the congregation, so much the better.”
V12 “Let deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.” This is one spouse at a time. The husbands should be good fathers and husbands to their wife and children showing leadership, teaching, helping, consoling in spiritual matters as well as other things. The “ruling” idea is not applicable to children not living at home. If they are, they still need to follow the basic household rules.
V13 “For those who have served well as deacons obtain for themselves a good standing and great boldness in the faith which is in Christ Jesus.” God is pleased with faithful deacons and deaconesses. Compare Acts 7, Acts 8:5-40, and Romans 16:1-2.