Marriage and Divorce
(Matt. 19:1–9 )
(Mark 10:1-12 NKJV) (1) Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again. (2) The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce [his] wife?” testing Him. (3) And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” (4) They said, “Moses permitted [a man] to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss [her].” (5) And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. (6) “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ (7) ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, (8) ‘and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. (9) “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (10) In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same [matter]. (11) So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. (12) “And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
This is a long passage for one day, so I will try to be brief but cover the main theme—divorce.
V1 “Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again.” Same teaching, preaching, and healing ministry as Jesus has done in various places.
V2 “The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce [his] wife?” testing Him.” The Pharisees never got tired of doing evil—baiting the Lord Jesus to sin, slandering Him, and pressuring the people to hate Jesus. This question was about divorce. The Pharisees had their own teaching rejecting the plain, normal sense of Mosaic Law. By their standards, they are seeking to trap our Lord. Sometimes the greatest persecution starts with an “innocent” question. We can learn from the responses of the Lord Jesus to apply to those types of questions we receive.
V3 “And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” Jesus starts with going to God’s standards and laws about marriage and divorce.
Some comments on divorce:
V4 “They said, “Moses permitted [a man] to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss [her].” This is what the Pharisees claimed was the Law.
Some comments on divorce:
(Nelson’s Illustrated Bible Dictionary) “In Jesus’ day, confusion prevailed about the grounds for divorce. Even the rabbis could not agree on what constituted the “uncleanness” of Deuteronomy 24:1. Followers of Rabbi Shammai felt adultery was the only ground for divorce. Those who followed Rabbi Hillel accepted many reasons, including such things as poor cooking.”
(Josephus: The Writings of Flavius Josephus) “He that desires to be divorced from his wife for any cause whatsoever (and many such causes happen among men), let him in writing give assurance that he will never use her as his wife any more; for by this means she may be at liberty to marry another husband, although before this bill of divorce be given, she is not to be permitted so to do; but if she be misused by him also, or if, when he is dead, her first husband would marry her again, it shall not be lawful for her to return to him.”
V5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart, he wrote you this precept.” Jesus mildly corrects and rebukes them. Note the “hardness of their hearts,” which means they had little interest in obeying God’s law.
V6 “But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.” Jesus corrects them to the true interpretation of God’s law.
V7 “For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife…” Jesus gives the reason, which is that your spouse is more important than your parents. This doesn’t mean to reject or disregard one’s parents, but one’s spouse is the priority.
V8 “…and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh.” One flesh does not mean just physical sex. It means bonding in body, soul, and spirit. To bond spiritually with your spouse means to have common worship of prayer, praise, Bible study, etc. To bond with your spouse emotionally is to communicate often, work together, laugh together, experience failure and difficulties together, have common goals for both to work towards. To bond physically is to appreciate your spouse’s body and ensure both have a satisfying sexual experience. Read the Song of Solomon.
V9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” This is God’s standard. Nevertheless, in this evil, wicked world, God knows there are times to divorce. The first is desertion which can be physical as the spouse leaves and never returns; the second is for emotional desertion, which would be living in the same house but have separate lives, separate friends, separate goals, etc. The other reason is the possibility of losing one’s faith or the children’s faith as in Ezra 10:1-3 and Nehemiah.
V10 “In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same [matter].” The disciples wanted Jesus to elaborate.
V11 “So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her.” God’s absolute standard is no divorce, but one cannot live with abuse, or potential for denying the faith, so He has given examples. The Jews had many excuses to get rid of their wives.
V12 “And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.” The standard that applies to men is the same standard that applies to women.
Is It Ever Right to Divorce?
God’s standard is found in Genesis 1:27, Genesis 5:25, Genesis 2:24, and Colossians 6:16, which is one spouse until death do you part.
Because of sin, God offers some solutions for specific causes.
Jews in Jesus’s day had 2 different opinions.
- For Rabbi Hillel, divorce is OK for most reasons, as bad cook, etc. Some of his followers taught that if a man has a bad wife, then he must divorce her. This was popularly accepted.
- For Rabbi Shammai, divorce was never an option. This was not popular.
Actually, there are a few limited reasons. Jesus says, “He said to them, “Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and whoever marries her who is divorced commits adultery.”” (Matthew 19:8-9, NKJV)
Some reasons listed in Scriptures are as follows:
By permission
C1 Sexual sins
D1 Incest: Leviticus 18:6-18 and 1 Corinthians 5:1-5
D2 Adultery: Matthew 19:1-9 and Matthew 5:32
D3 Porn: Matthew 5:32
C2 Desertion
D1 Physical leaving: 1 Corinthians 7:15
D2 Spiritual leaving: (a person would lose their faith if they stayed in that type of marriage) Nehemiah 13:23-26 and 1 Corinthians 7:11-15.
D3 Abuse
C3 If you stay, you or your children may lose salvation and faith
D1 A relationship that might lead to a denial of Jesus Christ: Ezra 10:44 Deuteronomy 7:1-6
D2 Might lead to a type of abuse, spiritual abuse.
Summary:
For sexual sins as incest (Leviticus 18:6-18), adultery (Matthew 19:1-9), porn, which is adultery (Matthew 19:1-9), desertion (1 Corinthians 7:15), if a spouse causes spiritual danger (false religion, religiously militant, violent) (Ezra 10:44, Deuteronomy 7:1-6), abuse (including physical, spiritual, verbal, financial, sexual, emotional, etc.). This is a desertion of marriage vows, and they always need to divorce (see 1 Corinthians 5:11, 1 Corinthians 6:9-10).
1 Corinthians 7:11-15 NKJV – But even if she does depart, let her remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And a husband is not to divorce his wife. 12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say: If any brother has a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her. 13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him. 14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise your children would be unclean, but now they are holy. 15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage in such [cases]. But God has called us to peace.
Do not divorce. If one feels they must, then it is separation, not divorce as verses 11-12 teach.
But, if an unbelieving spouse, the verses 13-15 apply.
Abuse shows there is no love in a marriage (Colossians 3:19). Also see 1 Corinthians 7:33, Ephesians 5:25, 28, and 1 Peter 3:7.
We learn:
- God’s standards for marriage.
- How to teach the truth to correct false teaching.
- Reasons for divorce.
Questions:
- How do you answer enticing and misleading questions?
- Do you know the truth about God and His standards?